Okay, so we get invited to a pub crawl in Prague. Fine. Its Lord Ordos who
has sent out the invitation, so we thought we'd have a whale of a time. So me,
Lord Tathlarien and Willhelm took up the offer. In fact it was. He just kept
buying us drinks. After several bottles of booze... (the good stuff, not that
rubbish you sometimes get) we finally come back to consciousness. We're on a cart.
In the middle of nowhere. We've been stitched. Bugger.



We all met up at a clearing in or near the Great Forest. Not particularly
sure (I was still woozy)... but anyway we were supposed to be meeting up with
some Jaeger guides. Fair enough. We waited. Some turned up and we are away... or
so we thought. But no. We had to talk to them for a while... then weird
giggling things turned up. Their touch paralysed the touchee. As Scribbler found out
as we moved out. (well he had to go and mess, didn’t he?)

Hmmm a bit sandy around here... Okay, what the hell are bloody great sand
dunes doing in the Great Forest? Dunno, but they are a right pain. Our 'Guides'
who half the time didn't seem to know where they were going, took us across
these dunes for hours. I suggested to Dr Karter that we should threaten to slit
their throats, so they'd actually take us wherever we were going... he said 'I'm
sure they know what they're doing.' Righty-ho. Anyway, after walking across these
sodding dunes, listening as the Argonauts complained that most of the
civilian (I repeat Civilian!) members of the party had no discipline.

Finally, we get to this clearing. Suddenly Baba Yaga appeared and started
prattling on about something or other with Tath goading her on. (I think
Tath actually enjoys being buried). I wasn't really listening, as I was guarding
our rear (you know, doing my job). I think it was something about some sort of
corruption. Anyway , the Hag exclaimed some rubbish, and suddenly, we were
somewhere else.

The stars looked kinda different, and there were only a few of us about.
Three people turned up, and started arguing about a fox pelt. I ignored them. I
mean, who gives a toss about a pelt? Let them sort it out.
Anyway, it turns out that everyone was here, not just the small group I
ended up with.
Some other Vipers were dealing with a really annoying leafy thing, that kept
going on about something that had been done to it.
Scribbler had been messing around with a lantern, or something. He's a
half-orc.
It figures.

Anyway, we found a village, The inhabitants were the bear clan. I went to
bed.



Not much happened , until the Hag turned up again, talking about this
corruption again. Tath was again giving her grief. I mean, deathwish or what? We hadn't
even brought the shovels to dig him out. That had a cunning plan though. He
stood on a pile of pebbles, so she couldn't bury him. (I think she was
amused by this).

Willhelm was particularly upset by the visit by the Hag, cos she had brought
her own minion with her. Willhelm saw this as direct competition. He thinks he
should be the only minion in town. This minion was a wood spirit thing,
called Kindling, Tinder or Firewood... or something like that.

Anyway, it turns out that this place we are in is 600 miles away from where
we started out. This part of the forest is populated by several clans, the Bear
Clan, the Fox Clan, the Wolf Clan, the Fluffy Bunnikins Clan (probably) as
well as Leshys, which are sort of corrupted wood spirits... So that's what the
annoying thing was we met. And apparently, there are these Tartars living
out on the sands. Okay. To the East is Cathay, and these Clan people are called the
Rus. So I assume we are in Rusja.

One of those Lantern things turned up outside the camp, exploded, dropping
Morachi and Geboren. (Shouldn't be messing with things you don't
understand).
They wouldn't wake up for a while, but then they did. Shame.

Anyway this Lantern thing seemed to be what was corrupting the Forest. The
Hag said she'd take us back once we'd stop the damage to the forest. Job done...
but not really, as we didn't know who the Lantern belonged too.

Then the Bear clan kicked off about this Lantern, blaming us for it. This
would be the first of many disagreements over the weekend. The Shaman was
especially annoying, and we immediately decided that he was a man on the inside for
whoever the Lanterns belonged to. Therefore he should be stabbed up ASAP.

According to the Shaman, we had to go to this special pool, and appease some
water spirit, by making tokens out of sticks, and chucking them into the
pool. Sod that for a game of soldiers. Anyway, we went up to this pool. The saps
chucked them in the water, got them out again, and said 'Ooh, that feels
good' Well whoop-de-do. I didn't tell them that the pool had a rather distinctive
smell... sorta like old urine...  We saw some natives, stabbed them up.


Anyway, apparently there was a wedding going to happen. (who cares) People
were trying to gather information on the corruption,  (again who cares... I mean,
being 600 miles from home is not an inconvenience, its an opportunity.) Oh
and meeting and greeting various denizens of the forest, who graciously fell
upon our daggers.

Oh and some other stuff happenend, including General Veldrin Ordos got
captured by the Fox Clan. We rescued him. Forceably. Apparently, the Fox Clan were
really after the Argonauts. Somehow, the General got ‘volunteered’ while we were
messing about at this pond. So we find their camp. And kick their heads in.
Problem sorted. That good old Viper diplomacy in action yet again.

At one point during our little holiday, another Baba Yaga turned up.
Apparently this one is something completely different to the one we know and mildly
dislike, and she brought some friends, and a broom with her. A load of those
annoying Leshy things. This Hag wandered round, hitting people with her
broom, and saying some rather amusing curses. About as useful as the other one,
then. Anyway, we finally got her to go away... as well as her little friends.

Some things turned up, we at first thought they were Unliving, but according
to people who know (and actually give a toss) they were normal people embodying
Unliving. Well whatever they want to do in their own homes, its fine by me.
Apparently this process involves a powerful Necromancer or Liche. Possibly
to keep all the bits in the right places, mop up any embarrassing spills, or
somesuch. We though, hang on, that means there must be one around somewhere,
perhaps he (or she) is involved in the corruption thing. Or maybe just
running a semi-legal embodying den. Anyway, as these thingies attacked us straight
away, he (or she) is not likely to be a nice friendly Necromancer/Liche (like
Gustav was... well friendly at least…. Well maybe not.. but you know what I mean)

Another addition to the ‘Job ASAP’ list.

The third day dawned. Willhelm turned up from ‘scouting’ the area. He hadn’t
found anything. Nice one mate.

Another Baba Yaga turned up (how many are there? Is it like a secret society
or something? Do you get issued with a broom, or do you have to buy your own?)
This one had apparently been around before, but I hadn’t really noticed...
Anyway, she said she could get us home. But needed us to look after pigs for her.
She brought three of the little buggers, and right annoying they were too.
Morachi was charged with protecting them, which he duly passed on to the nearest
saps he could find... guess who? Me... Cheers.

These pigs had a thing about rocks, ninjas, and the forceful contact between
the two. This provided minutes of amusement. The poor McNinjas staff didn’t know
whether they were coming or going. The pigs demanded amusement… and would
periodically leg it into the forest. We weren’t allowed to kill them either.
We even had to heal them when they managed to take each other out with bricks.

I dealt with these swine in the only way I could... A swift tactical
retreat.

The farmer Baba Yaga came back to check her livestock... and found that
there was something wrong with one of them ‘that couldn’t be healed’. Turns out
one of the Half-Ogres had had his wicked way with her... she was prgnant. This
annoyed Baba Yaga so she dropped Morachi. Hehe. Ahem.

This day we went to ‘negotiate with this Liche. A right good scrap. Salric
got dead. Shame. So did some more Argonauts. But we kicked in plenty of his
‘followers’

We managed to annoy the Tartars... Later on, we found out that they were
doing rituals in the forest to summon Demons. This put us all on alert. It seemed
that these Demons are scared of the dark, cos they never turned up. A couple of
those bloody Leshy things... One touched me, a felt a bit weird, then felt fine.
It then touched the next guy along, who started to decompose before my eyes.
Understandably worried, I grabbed the nearest healer, who pattern scanned
me, telling me I’d been infected with a disease, which she promptly cured.

Next day... and the Tartars came to give us a kicking. The plan was to hold
a defensive position... simple enough.
Several scouts went out (fools). The fighting was hard and very vicious. The
Tartars wanted to get rid of us, and fast.
Amazingly, the dodgy Shaman (who we wanted to job all weekend) was worth his
weight in gold. Eventually, we prevailed... but we were the worse for wear, and the only reason we got out
of there was because the real(?) Baba Yaga transported us back...


Hmmm, I hope Lord Ordos accepts Tath’s offer of a pubcrawl round
Strassberg...

Lieutenant Poontang Pirelli, Queens  Own